I Kissed a Girl
by Spookykat
Summary: Harry's asked Hermione to marry her, and Hermione's got a big problem with that. Warnings: fslash


Author's Notes: I never write in the first-person. I don't write songfics. I've never written Hermione. I've never even seen Hermione as v. slashable, but I was listening to I Kissed a Girl by Jill Sobule, and got inspired. So, for something a little different from my norm, away we go:  
  
The mean it should have been in Italics.  
  
I Kissed a Girl  
  
I was expecting it.  
  
Hogwarts had been over for a year. I had my own flat right near King's Cross Station. We were expected to get our life in order and put all our ducks in a row.  
  
Harry's proposal was The Inevitable Next Step, really.  
  
It was The Natural Course of Things.  
  
I said the dutiful yes, of course. That was a given.  
  
We'd be engaged until he defeated Voldemort. Then we'd get married in the usual way with two point five kids. Ron would be the Best Man. Ginny would be the Maid of Honour. It was a sure thing-like a torrential downpour when black clouds loom overhead.  
  
The problem wasn't that I didn't love Harry.  
  
The sun had to shine, and I had to love Harry.  
  
He is one of the best people I know. He's the kind of person who inspires us all. The kind of person who always stands up for what he believes in, who always defended friends no matter what.  
  
But for all his strengths, Harry has his problems.  
  
He has that infernal Hero complex, and it got old when I had to save his arse every single year.  
  
Would I do it again?  
  
In a heartbeat.  
  
But that was beside the point.  
  
The problem was that, until I came to Hogwarts and got my first adrenaline rush fighting that troll in the girls' bathroom, I didn't know what excitement was. My parents were dentists. That was their life. I looked at them last summer, and they just seemed so.stuck.  
  
I didn't want to be stuck.  
  
I didn't want to be trapped.  
  
The problem was, I was terrified.  
  
Ginny Weasley, completely ignorant of the catastrophe proposal the night before, had just Owled me, saying she was on her way over. At least with her around, I could take my mind off of everything.  
  
I should be happy.  
  
This should be something I want.  
  
It's all I've ever known-  
  
But, in retrospect, I think that was the crux of the problem.  
  
It was all. I'd. Ever. Known.  
  
Ginny had only come over to pick up my copy of Harry Snout, Human Heart, on the way to dinner at Angelina and Fred's flat. I was very glad she was there.  
  
"Poor Angelina," Ginny said when she finished. "Marrying my brother Fred. I love my brother, but.I can never imagine anyone wanting to marry him," she giggled. "He's not exactly husband material."  
  
"She can handle him though," I answered. "Speaking of life-sentences." I said. Try as I might to keep the tone of dread out of my voice, I just couldn't do it.  
  
"Do you know how many girls at Hogwarts would be thrilled to be in your shoes, Hermione?" She asked earnestly. Then a broad grin took over her whole face and she added wickedly: "I can think of a few blokes who wouldn't mind being the future Mrs. Harry Potter, either."  
  
"Would I be a terrible person if I wasn't sure this is what I wanted?" I asked her timidly, not wanting to meet her gaze.  
  
"Hermione," she said, taking my hand in hers. "How can you not be sure? Harry loves you. You love Harry. It's that simple. Plus," she added threateningly, "break his heart, and you'll have nine Weasleys to answer to."  
  
"Well.when you put it like that." I said through laughter, and released a frustrated sigh. "I just don't think it is that simple." I don't know why, but just then, I couldn't stop the tears that had been threatening since the moment I had told Harry 'yes.'  
  
She hugged me, and let me slobber all over her coat while I sobbed like a First Year who had just been bullied on the playground.  
  
"Honestly, I can't believe I'm acting like a complete idiot. You're right.it's not exactly a death sentence," I finally said, blowing my nose. It hadn't started raining when she arrived, but her coat was drenched. "I'm sorry Ginny. I can wash your coat for you if you want."  
  
"It doesn't matter what the rest of the world wants. To hell with them. Sure, my parents, brothers and I will beat you to a bloody pulp, but you'll heal." She said the last bit with a perfectly serious expression on her face, the effect of which was destroyed by the almost immediate eruption of giggles.  
  
Both of us were doubled over in laughter, her hand was on my shoulder and the touch was electric. I had never felt so alive in my life.  
  
"What do I do, Ginny?" I asked her.  
  
"The only thing that matters is what you want," she answered earnestly. "You're the only one who's going to have to be living with your decisions for the rest of your life."  
  
"So," I answered, "I just have to figure out what I want, that's it, isn't it?" Then it occurred to me for the first time in my life that I knew what I wanted. I wanted my head to be on her shoulder again. I wanted her arms around me.  
  
But that would have to be my little secret.  
  
As minutes drifted into an hour, it became clear to both of us that Angelina and Fred weren't going to be having a dinner guest.  
  
"I'm sorry," I apologized when it suddenly occurred to me to check the time. "It certainly hasn't felt this long. Look, if you want dinner, I've got some leftovers I can warm up, and a bottle of red wine on ice."  
  
"Good idea," Ginny said, with an evaluating glance outside the window. "It's raining like mad, anyway. Mum would have a shit-fit if I went out in that mess. I should send them an owl letting them know I'm okay."  
  
I put leftover roast from the night before on the stove, and got us two mugs and poured wine in them.  
  
"What do you want?" Ginny asked, her eyes searching mine for answers.  
  
"I'm glad you're giving it some more thought," Ginny said.  
  
"You still want him, don't you?" I asked.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
I'm still not sure what happened next.  
  
How my lips wound up on hers is still a mystery, but they did.  
  
I  
  
It should have been awkward, like my first kiss with both Harry and Ron. It was like we'd been kissing for years. With Harry and Ron, I was glad when our first kisses were over. But I didn't want Ginny to stop.  
  
I felt her hands snaking around my waste, her touches imprinted like graffiti on my body, and I leaned into her.  
  
"This is what I want," I said, nibbling on her earlobe.  
  
I kissed a girl, her lips were sweet  
  
She was just like kissing me I kissed a girl, won't change the world  
  
The rest of the world would have to wait till tomorrow.  
  
Forever wasn't something I was afraid of anymore. 


End file.
